Chronic illness takes a toll on anyone who is affected. Especially when you don't have doctors on your side when things get rough. When new symptoms come up out of the blue, and there's no one to run to, you eventually get tired of "being brave" or "pushing through the pain". For some, the harsh reality of chronic illness becomes too much, and they only see one way out - suicide.
I was in the school bathroom one day, after an administrator led me there because I had temporarily gone blind, due to an eye condition called Septo-Optic Dysplasia. For weeks prior, I had heard other kids whispering about me in the halls as I was walked to class. They said things like, "She only wants attention" and "She's such a faker". As I sat in the stall, I heard two girls talking, and I recognized one of the voices as a friend I'd known for years. She whispered, "You know she's pretending, right? She just likes when the teachers pay attention to her. She should kill herself."
I cried for a few minutes, then I decided she was right. There's no reason for me to be here if all I am is a burden. No one wants to have to walk me to class or read all my math tests out loud to me. I knew what I had to do. A few days later, I came home from school and went to the kitchen. I grabbed the first pill bottles I could find and screamed to God that I'm sorry, but then I froze. I couldn't do it. Something told me that I was going to get help soon, even though I didn't understand how.
I hid the pain and drug myself to school. I had to stay after school that day to finish a calculus test, so my teacher got out her book and sat next to me so she could read it to me, as usual. She knew something was wrong, so she gently encouraged me, thinking I was frustrated with the math. She looked at me with such sincerity as I sat there trying not to cry. She whispered, "you can do this", and I realized that, finally, there was someone who cared. I apologized over and over for being "such a hassle" and she reassured me that "[I am] not a burden" and to never think that I was any trouble. She said she'd "do anything for me". For the first time in months, I felt happy.
After that day, I looked forward to going to school, and I actually enjoyed learning calculus. My teacher helped me to realize that I am strong, and I do have a purpose, whether other people see that or not. I realized that my life was turning around, for the better. She instilled in me a passion to succeed and to live happily, despite my challenges and the bullying that I have faced. She is my role model and I hope to be as great of a teacher as she is when I'm older. She has continued to help me through my senior year, and we've spent many hours working on calculus tests out loud together, even though we do get distracted quite often to tell a funny story or watch a video on Facebook.
 |
| My teacher and I working on a test together, with my video magnifier. |
Without my wonderful teacher, I would not be here today, and I also would not have pursued my dream of becoming a teacher of the visually impaired and blind. I am so blessed to have met one of the greatest teachers. It's amazing how someone can save your life with one simple phrase.
"You can do this".
 |
| Flashback Friday during Spirit Week |
